Things that I find irritating and some good things: Douche Bag Trucks

Douche Bag Trucks (part deux)

I have a disdain for douchebag trucks, a term that hasn’t quite yet fully caught on but I’m hoping it will. Big jacked up monstorous trucks that cost 80,000-100,000 dollars that are essentially completely useless as they are never taken off road or used to haul anything and are only bought to show off to 15 year old girls and to drive to the rig. They are completely impractical and ridiculous and a collasal waste of money and resources. Let me be clear, I really don’t care if you drive a normal truck, trucks can be handy things to have and very versatile, they’re reliable and in our climate, and a good thing to have around. I have nothing against trucks in general. Anyways since writing my douche bag truck article there are a few points that I wanted to add and expand upon.

The Cost

Just for a moment let’s look at the cost of one of these bad boys. Now these figures aren’t exact and were pulled from various auto accessories websites so there’s likely to be a margin of error to be considered so we’ll call these figures a ballpark.
So this is for your typical diesel F-350 douche bag truck with a sled deck on the back (those big decks that sit on the top of the bed to haul snowmobiles and other douchey like toys), a new snowmobile that will rarely get used, 30″ tires and an 8″ lift.
Ford F-350 Desiel XLT – $68,099
8″ lift kit for F-350 – $3,726.95
325/65×20 Tires – $525 each x 4 – $2100.00
20″ Rims -$600.00 * 4 = $2,400
Bright Blinding Headlights – $369.95
Muffler – $410.74
Push Bar – $1065.33
Snowmobile truck deck – $5,549.99
15 Hours of Labour (this was just a guess, I have no idea)- $1,800
Snowmobile that will just sit on the truck and not get used – $10,999
White Oakley Sunglass – $91.00

Now keep in mind this pretty is basic, the sky is the limit and you could add a massive stereo system, TVs, security systems, and all sorts of other goodies that could easily bring the price above 100,000 dollars.
Also this is not factoring in things like insurance cost and the fact that you’re probably going to be getting pulled over every week because your vehicle attracts all sorts of unnecessary attention.
I mean really aren’t there better things that these guys could spend 100,000 on. These guys are usually in their 20s, surely there are more important things that they need in life like a house, caring for any kids they may have, schooling or investments but no they just blow it all. You could buy three F-150s with the price of one of the DB Trucks and I’m sure that would suit their needs just fine.
The Driving
Now I may not really have a problem with these trucks if they were actually driven in a respectful manner. Although most of them barrel down the street going twice the speed limit., cut people off, go through red lights. They act like they don’t need to follow the rules of the road and overall just act like complete jerk offs. How many times have you been driving down the road and seeing this truck grill completely taking up your rear view mirror because he’s riding your ass so close. I don’t want to say every one that drives a truck is a jerk but almost every jerk that I see driving like a complete tool is almost always in a truck. Everytime that I’ve had some asshole pull right in front me to pass someone travelling the opposite direction on the highway has been someone in a truck. Many times I’ve had to pull on to the shoulder to ya know, avoid dying and stuff. Although they don’t give a shit because they have no respect for anyone but themselves.
The Dress
Like what’s up with all the white sunglasses? I don’t get it. Like you all drive the same kind of trucks so you need to dress the same. Why? It’s not just the white sunglasses, it’s their whole outfit. You would think having the exact same vehicle as all your buddies would make you want to dress differently. Does the dealership require a pair of white sunglasses and a pay stub from a rig in order to get one of these trucks? Everytime I see one of these trucks, the guy driving it is wearing white sunglasses and half the time it’s not even sunny out. The true douchebag sign is white fucking sunglasses. They probably sleep in those things. I’ve always wondered do they dress like that because they own the truck or do they own the truck because they dress like that? Also another thing that I find hilarious, is like half these guys are 5″5 little pissants, lack of ?? compensation at its finest.

Local Phenomenon
Being in BC, even with all the money and outdoor activities that they have I didn’t see any of these trucks. People from Ontario that I’ve talked to were blown away by all these huge trucks driving around. It seems to be only real widespread in Saskatchewan and Alberta where all the riggers work. I mean do we have perpetuate this redneck stereotype so much? In this day and age it makes us look ignorant and out of touch with all the environmental concerns around these days. I mean when people from Vancouver or Toronto see these trucks they just shake their heads.
The Bigger Picture
The following paragraph is a generalization, I know this does not apply to every worker on the rigs. These people for the most part have no, or limited education and in many cases lead a drifter lifestyle, living somewhere new every 6 months. Do these kids really need to be making as much as an engineer and other people that had to work hard in university for 4-5 years to get to where they are now? These kids for the most part have no idea what to do with all this money they’re getting and still end up living pay cheque to pay cheque despite the fact that they’re making 7-12000 dollars a month. Many times they end up getting into drugs or alcohol in order to cope with the long hrs needed to make the money. Over the years almost every rigger I’ve known had personal demons to deal with. There’s pretty much no job security for these guys and many of them end up on the unemployment line either from getting tired of the work or getting fired and then end up with 5000 dollars a month in payments from all these toys they’ve bought.

In Conclusion
I usually don’t preach how people should spend their money but when I see something so idiotic and pointless that people are spending so much money on and having this my shit don’t stink attitude that comes with it. I’m sorry but I can’t keep my mouth closed, you are nothing but a corporate sheep that does whatever one else is doing. You look the same, drive the same, act the same and drive the same vehicles. Everyone that is not a fellow douche bag, a slutty girl from a small town or a 15 year old girl thinks that you look like a complete asshole. I hate to condone government intervention but you’re obviously too stupid to figure it out for yourself and maybe they need to tax the shit out of your vehicles and your insurance for all the hazards and pollution you cause on our roads.

https://youtu.be/F4p6v2qQWsU Rural Saskatchewan or Alberta video.

https://youtu.be/Eoy0_pUyZ8o ( Redemption at it's fines

Douche Truck

n. A pickup truck which is used by its douchebag driver to compensate for his lack of testosterone. Douche trucks differ from normal pickup trucks in that they generally are lifted, with large aftermarket tires and rims. Despite having a pickup bed and a massive engine, douche trucks are rarely used to haul anything but the driver and his idiot friends. The driver would not dare scratch his truck by hauling a load of wood in the back, despite the fact that the bed is Rhino-Lined to prevent dents and scratches.
The "douche factor" of the truck increases exponentially with the addition of Hurley or Fox Racing decals to the rear windows, or silhouettes of naked women on the mud flaps or rear window. "Truck Nuts", or the fake testicles sold for the purpose of hanging between the rear tires, are considered the highest level of truck douchebaggery.
The drivers of douche trucks also have little or no concept of the existence or purpose of their truck's turn signals, and tend to switch lanes or merge without signaling.

Man, did you see that douche truck on the freeway? He almost ran us off the road when he switched lanes!

Typical stickers of the douchehat truck

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Little Douche In Lifted Truck Accidently Runs Over 23 Year Old Girl In A Strip Club Parking Lot 4Y

**Update: The family of the woman who was run over by a jacked-up pickup truck in the parking lot of a strip club has filed a lawsuit in her death. Kasey McKenzie’s relatives are suing the driver, Eric Crutchfield, and the club and of Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen’s Club in Dallas.